Brite. Two.

Happy Birthday, our precious Britey girl! How are you two already?! It feels like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital. 

And now here you are, constantly flitting about with a song on your lips and Lovey (or trolls or barbies) in your hand. What a precious soul your are. You are such a cheerful girl and it is rare to find you in a bad mood. You are satisfied to play with others or by yourself. Sometimes I'll search the house to find you browsing through books are making barbies talk jibber jabber, perfectly content. 

You LOVE music and try your best to sing along to whatever song we are playing. You know all the words to "happy birthday," and I catch you singing it to the barbies about once a day. You can also sing the ABC song if big sissy is leading the way. You are living up to your middle name, little songbird. 

Your big sister is your best friend and your bond is truly beautiful. Some mornings you call her name to come get you from your crib. You excitedly yell, "Hi Mamin!" when she gets in the car after school and I often find the two of you giggling, cuddling, playing or getting into mischief in the pantry. I pretend to rebuke you both for sneaking in there yet again, but I secretly giggle at the sight. 

You show your love for others freely and bountifully. When daddy got home from work the other day, you ran over to him, hugged his legs and yelled, "wecum home, Daddy!"  When swinging, you tell your lovey, "Hang on wuvey!" You are exceedingly polite, always saying "pwease" and "dank do." Even when you get time out, you try to refuse by saying, "no dank do." 

You have a feisty side too. Honestly, i have to try to keep a straight face when this part of you comes out because it only lasts for a second and then you are back to playing and laughing. 

You are a true girly girl and ask for a dress every morning. When I slide it over your tummy you look down shyly as your daddy and I praise your beauty.  You usually acknowledge our praises with a proud twirl. You LOVE shoes and want to wear them around the house every chance you get. 

Brite Wren, you are a gift to all who know you. Your silly, smiley, joyful presence brings so many smiles and laughter to our home. Keep shining the way you do! We love you so much, precious one!

Brite Wren. One Year.

Imagine a Spring evening, just before sunset.  Imagine a warm breeze, the kind of breeze that causes you to think about peace and the One who created peace.  Imagine Him and the moments in life He gives you that whisper He loves you. 

If you can imagine these things, then you will know exactly what your entrance into this world and our family was. 

Oh we love you so, Brite Wren.

You spent your first year being smiley, wily, and sweet.  There were fussy days and wakeful nights but even those moments have been our greatest honor to be a part of.  Your life, precious one, is such a gift, every single minute.

Just after midnight on April 21^st I got to hold you for the first time.  Looking into your eyes for the first time felt like meeting someone I already knew.  You were pure peace in a tiny body.  Even your cry was quiet.  I won’t ever forget those first days with you, rocking you and singing Winter Snow over and over and weeping at the sight of your beautiful little soul.  

How are we already here?  How are you already a year?  It has been the fastest year of my life.  Each day unfurls more about you that we grow to love and we can’t wait to watch you live all the life in front of you.  It will be so beautiful. 

The other day you face-planted into your food and lifted your head in a belly laugh.  You stick your tongue out to make us laugh.  You smile incessantly, with your whole face (even your eyebrows).  It will never be your responsibility to make us happy, but you do.  You make us smile every single day and we are the luckiest that you came to join the three of us. 

Happy Birthday, Brite Wren (little chicken, mushy girl, Bubba, Britey).  There is no one like you in this world.  Never forget that we love you and, most importantly, the Lord loves you and made you oh so special. 

Marin. Three.

Yesterday, from the backseat of the car, you asked me if I would roll your window down so you could “Say hello to that big, beautiful, blue rain cloud.” 

“HIIIIII big butiful bwue cwoud!”  

 At the sound of your thunderous declaration, the memory of a nurse peaking into our hospital room the day you were born flashes through my mind. “Your baby has got some real pipes.”  

And from my rearview mirror, I see both my baby and my big girl.  You, being who you’ve always been, just more. 

During bedtime the other night you commanded, “Mommy, come here so I can give you a kiss.” You pursed your lips with loads of concentration.  And I remember it wasn’t too long ago when you still gave baby kisses with your mouth wide open.  There is even an evolution in your kisses.

Tight lips.

Eyes looking up and to the right, sometimes closed.

Slow.

Then this week I had to apologize for a lack of patience during bath time antics. “It’s okay. I give you, Mommy.”  A little lady with a heart that FORGIVES is in our midst.  

And in a flash I see my big girl and my baby…you being who we hoped you would be, and more.

You spend your days in a glorious oblivion, bounding from one activity to the next.  Play doh, repunzel castle, the swingset, twirling, changing your outfit five times.  

You are wary and wild, a strong-willed rule follower, silly and serious.     

There are so many “I want to do it on my own’s”

And “Mommy, I need help!” We are on your little independence rollercoaster. 

You are a bright and loving big sister.  We couldn’t be more proud.  You so genuinely adore this little creature who came to share in all the affection this year, and your baby sister lights up when you are around, watches your every move. 

And while you bound around by your heartstrings, Daddy and I spend our days trying to capture it all, our baby and our big girl.

Happy THIRD birthday, precious Marin Elizabeth.  You are so very much unlike anyone we’ve ever known.  You have had our complete gaze since you came screaming our way three years ago and you always will.

Our lives and this world would have a big gaping {pink, no doubt;) hole with out you in it, precious one.

And guess what? WE LOVE YOU. That’s what.

Happy Birthday, little moo.   

Letters to Marin: The Cafeteria

Hey missy moo,

This is a story about your mama and a cafeteria and a mean kid. Well, he wasn’t really a mean kid. He just wanted a laugh and to be accepted, just like I did. You will probably hear this story again somewhere down the road, like when we’re driving or when we're all at the dinner table. Oh the stories you will hear and then re-hear because I just want you to know some things, things that will be with you in moments when it matters.

It was my first day of high school, and I was the new girl which had never really phased me before; I had been the new girl a few times.  I actually enjoyed meeting new people, a big social butterfly. But I was nervous that day.  The hallways were packed. 

 I met a girl in my math class who, come to find out, had my same lunch hour, so I asked her if she would mind me sitting with her at lunch.  She was kind and agreed. (When you are a grown up, you won’t mind eating by yourself, but not in high school.  In high school, you will want a friend at lunch.) 

So we sat down in the cafeteria where two tables were pushed together and jammed with friends.  I didn’t say much because all these pretty people looked like they were already best buds and your mama was a bit nervous.  I just ate quietly and looked forward to the end of the day and my home and my family, ugh, and feeling like myself again.

Then it happened.

 

Something hit me square in the forehead.  A boy across the table had flicked a coke can cap at my face. Then he sarcastically asked, “Oh, who was that?”  Everyone laughed. No one said a word to me as I finished my chicken tenders. I held in the tears until I jumped in my mom’s mini van at the end of the day.

It was a real doozy of a first day, but an important one.  I needed that day in my story because I learned such a big lesson, little bean.  At fifteen, I don’t think it had ever crossed my mind that there might be lonely people around me at school, not until I was that lonely person.  I was looking for who would accept me, who would be my friend. And that’s just backwards thinking.  I should have been looking for someone who needed a friend.  I’m sure with that many kids, there was at least one person who needed a friend that day. I missed an opportunity.

You made me a mama, little bean.  And now my heart and hopes and very best is yours.  So I'm giving you this story because I just want you to know that when lessons are learned the hard way, it means God is doing something for you, not to you. I also want you to know He gave you a big heart; be sure to use it to love on people.

My mini van will always be yours to cry in.

 And I love, love, love you.

Love, Mommy.

P.S.  You got so tired before your nap today that you laughed your way to sleep.  I just about died. You are the funniest and the cutest.

Letters to M: Mr. Right

Dear little bean,

I guess you won’t be such a little bean when these words apply to the precious life you are living.  They aren’t much help to you in your easy breezy baby days, but I’m writing them to you now because the emotions are fresh and the lessons are remembered.  I recognize that you are your own little person; YOU ARE NOT ME.  So, this may apply to you someday or may not, but in an effort to always give you my very best, I offer you my experience, and the bits of wisdom found therein. 

I could weep just thinking about the day when I see that spark in your eye; the give-away that tells me someone has caught your heart.  And when the thought crosses my mind, I pray.  I pray he knows your value like your dad and I do, like God does.  I pray he knows Jesus and has had to find grace the hard way.  I pray he serves you and makes you laugh so hard it hurts.  I pray he sees into your heart, somehow, someway seeing the sweet baby girl that wants the simple things in life like being held and heard.

And for the part of the deal you decide, may I offer you what I’ve come to learn?

I encourage you to think of boys as friends, not potential boyfriends, husbands, gods etc.  People should be known, not idealized.  Start relationships with the intent to learn about the amazing makeup of another, and love will find you (instead of the other way around). 

Save your kisses as long as you can, and save sex for marriage.  This topic is so hard because now that I’m a mommy I recognize my new enemy, the world, and all the lies it will tell you.  It will tell you to get practice, try it out, get better. It will tell you sex is how you keep the one you want.  It will tell you that is how you show love. I will tell you the truth.  I will tell you that where your body goes, your heart will follow (willingly or not).  I will tell you that sex in marriage is a blessing and fulfilling and wonderful.  Wait. Wait. Wait.

Everyone makes mistakes.  We can’t grasp all the grace available for our downfalls.  Accept it when you make a mistake in relationships.  Offer it as it’s been given to you.

Decide early what characteristics you want in a mate, and don’t settle for anything less.  I’m not talking about hair color; I’m talking about the heart.  Notice how he treats others, especially his mama.  He will treat you that way in twenty years. 

Observe your daddy.  He opens doors for us, helps around the house, finds ways to excite our hearts to learn about God, and gives away his money/things when he sees someone is in need. He cuddles us when we need it and encourages us to DO good and not just DREAM good. Use him as an example of how you should be treated by other men. 

Know your worth. Boys will tell you you're beautiful.  They could say it a million times, and it wouldn't fill your heart as much as hearing it just once from your Creator.  Your worth is found in Him.   

Live yourlife.  Those around you might be meeting “the one” while you have to stand and wait.  Or maybe you’ll meet your sweetheart in elementary school. You might even decide you want to fly solo. Whatever the course, know that it was designed specifically for you and for your good. 

I hope these words offer you some guidance and grace as you embark on meeting the one God chooses for you.  I want to be all your answers, but I know that it’s inevitable that heartbreak will teach you some of them along the way. I wish I could see them all and erase them from your story, but God loves you more, and he withstands our sorrows because he knows they are for our good.  He loves you, so, lastly; trust Him and consult Him about all the matters of your heart.  

Love,  Mommy