Marin. Three.

Yesterday, from the backseat of the car, you asked me if I would roll your window down so you could “Say hello to that big, beautiful, blue rain cloud.” 

“HIIIIII big butiful bwue cwoud!”  

 At the sound of your thunderous declaration, the memory of a nurse peaking into our hospital room the day you were born flashes through my mind. “Your baby has got some real pipes.”  

And from my rearview mirror, I see both my baby and my big girl.  You, being who you’ve always been, just more. 

During bedtime the other night you commanded, “Mommy, come here so I can give you a kiss.” You pursed your lips with loads of concentration.  And I remember it wasn’t too long ago when you still gave baby kisses with your mouth wide open.  There is even an evolution in your kisses.

Tight lips.

Eyes looking up and to the right, sometimes closed.

Slow.

Then this week I had to apologize for a lack of patience during bath time antics. “It’s okay. I give you, Mommy.”  A little lady with a heart that FORGIVES is in our midst.  

And in a flash I see my big girl and my baby…you being who we hoped you would be, and more.

You spend your days in a glorious oblivion, bounding from one activity to the next.  Play doh, repunzel castle, the swingset, twirling, changing your outfit five times.  

You are wary and wild, a strong-willed rule follower, silly and serious.     

There are so many “I want to do it on my own’s”

And “Mommy, I need help!” We are on your little independence rollercoaster. 

You are a bright and loving big sister.  We couldn’t be more proud.  You so genuinely adore this little creature who came to share in all the affection this year, and your baby sister lights up when you are around, watches your every move. 

And while you bound around by your heartstrings, Daddy and I spend our days trying to capture it all, our baby and our big girl.

Happy THIRD birthday, precious Marin Elizabeth.  You are so very much unlike anyone we’ve ever known.  You have had our complete gaze since you came screaming our way three years ago and you always will.

Our lives and this world would have a big gaping {pink, no doubt;) hole with out you in it, precious one.

And guess what? WE LOVE YOU. That’s what.

Happy Birthday, little moo.   

Breastfeeding: Our Story

Nursing Cover

Can we just take a moment of silence to pay respect to the bountiful and hilarious title options that exist for a post about breastfeeding. They are good, reeeeal good.  What’s also good is that this is just one mama’s story, my story.  It’s not about breastfeeding vs. formula vs. any other vehicle used to provide sustenance for our kids.  Seriously, high fives to all the moms who shoveled a happy meal in their kids’ mouths this week because heaven knows I did.  Anyway, shall we?  

Before I had kids, I assumed breastfeeding would be instinctual, that all the participants just had to show up and voila, baby was fed.  I learned pretty quickly after Marin was born that it isn't always that simple. A few minutes after the doctor placed her in my arms, she nursed for the first time.  All seemed pretty organic and she appeared to be nursing fine. Thankfully, a lactation specialist visited during our second night in the hospital and explained that Marin wasn't in fact latching correctly and, therefore, losing weight and not stimulating milk production. In other words, both participants were showing up, but baby wasn't being fed. Even now, I feel the tension of, "Was I not prepared enough? Did I not give her enough skin-to-skin time after she was born? Why didn't I request the lactation specialist earlier? Did the epidural affect her latching?"  Thankfully, we got a great latch from her that night (with a bit of persuading little miss feisty pants) and baby wanted to EAT. Success.

My milk came in the day after we brought her home. That night I went to nurse her and was met with a screaming, frustrated baby who was struggling to latch again. I tried to coax her for a few minutes, but the more I pushed and the more she searched for a latch, the more flustered she became. I am beyond grateful my mom happened to be there. I remember looking at her with a look of sheer confusion for how I was going to feed my child. It was so nice to have her there to help me navigate the moment. After trying to nurse a really mad Marin, I finally decided to just throw together my pump and get some milk in a bottle.  I pumped an ounce and plopped it in her mouth. All was peaceful. She was eating. The weeks after that continued to be challenging. She would cry for 10-15 minutes before each feeding. If she would latch, I would nurse her. After she ate, I would immediately pump so I would have a bottle ready in case she would refuse to latch at the upcoming feeding. Each feeding became an hour long process that would start all over again every couple hours.

What began with latching struggles, led to strong let-down issues where I would watch Marin choke as she tried to handle being milkboarded. (Hindsight, I realize that pumping was probably creating a greater supply and therefore a stronger let down. New mom foul number one million) After two-and-half months of nursing being an entirely draining journey, I told Andy, through tears, that if this kept up I just wouldn't be able to continue nursing. I was emotional about it because it felt like I was failing at my very first effort as a mom. It didn't have anything to do with breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding vs. giving formula, etc. It was just that the thing I chose to offer my child wasn't working and that felt defeating.

Thankfully, at around three months, Marin and I reached the mountaintop of nursing. She got it! I got it! She was latching and finally stout enough to handle the let-down with out air filling her belly and causing pain. We went on to nurse until she was 15 months.

There are a lot of details from the first few months that get a bit lost in memory, but I don't think I will ever forget just how much Marin and I really learned each other. Because turns out breastfeeding isn’t always just EAT. It was her personality and physicality meeting my physicality and personality. It was me learning to love her where she was and adjusting my own heart to meet her need.  It was about gently pushing and knowing both of our limits.  And my heart is filled with pride for how hard she worked to get it.

Brite, as the second child tends to be, was an entirely different story.  When it came to those first hours after her birth, I made sure to slow down in the ways I didn’t know to do when Marin was born. I didn’t let anyone rush me out of the bed or room, rush her to her bath or the scale.  I held her and nursed her off-and-on for a solid hour.  We put nursing and skin-to-skin on the front burner.  Once we were settled in our hospital room, I requested a visit from the lactation specialist right away. She came that night.  Everything was jiving. Hallelujah! Brite was eating and latching amazingly, even finishing her nursing sessions in as quick as 10-15 minutes.  And to this day, she still LOVES to nurse, maybe a little too much as we all know. ;)  Of course every baby has their nursing quirks, little miss Britey the Bitey can attest to that.  

Honestly, I’m so glad for both experiences.  I wouldn’t change one crying, sweating, sleepless, google-searching, precious minute of any of it.

(Oh and just in case you need one, the nursing cover I’m wearing in the picture above is from a really amazing company called Copper Pearl, founded by two moms who know the ins-and-outs of products that truly make a mom’s life easier, as well as more trendy. The cover is a super stretchy, breathable material that wraps around mom to keep the dreaded, flailing baby, flash-everybody situation at bay. And all the babies said amen!  Oh, AND it can also be used as a car seat cover or shopping cart cover, such a brilliant idea! If you need one for you or a friend, CopperPearl is graciously offering 10% off ALL their products for the next four days with the code WALLACHBABY. )

Happy shopping and happy Thursday, friends! 

New Year Resolutions for 2016

Happy New Year! I have always been a sucker for a fresh start. I love Mondays and all the firsts of the months. So of course, I ESPECIALLY love a new year, plum full of fresh goals. And being the dreamer I am, goals usually begin around here in grandiose declarations like, "This year I'm going to start really enjoying being in the kitchen." And, thanks to the ever-increasing influence of a realist husband, these bursts of whimsy do end up in actionable (and realistic) bullet points. So, here they are, my dreams (and goals, dear husband) for 2016.

SPIRITUAL STUFF

THE DREAM: I will plant scripture in my heart every day, and I will create opportunities for my family to do the same. I will focus more on having a grace-giving heart and on service toward others. I will open my home and dinner table to others more. I see wine pouring and board game playing. It's going to be good.
THE GOAL: I have loved the quiet mornings of 2015. So I am going to continue to get up at least an hour before the girls wake up, so I can read and focus on the work that needs to happen in this heart of mine. I am going to post one new scripture in a central spot in our home each month for our family to read together at dinner time. I am going to invite friends to our home at least once a month and feed them food that I really worked hard on.

HEALTH & FITNESS

THE DREAM: Cardio-something will become a regular part of my weeks again, just like it used to be circa before children. And I am nursing right now, so I will continue to eat everything in sight. But in all seriousness, I'm sure there is work to be done in the nutrition department, but I will re-visit this later.
THE GOAL: I am going to do some form of cardio (with an emphasis on core) 3X a week. I have ordered this work out DVD for a really accessible option.

WIFERY AND MOTHERHOOD:

THE DREAM: I will make my people feel loved and known and cheered for.
THE GOALS: Okay, so I have goals written down that I am going to try to accomplish this year in the area of being an all-around more encouraging, available, etc. etc. wifey, but I'm not going to write them here because it FEELS WEIRD. Onward. Our girls. We are going to read scripture with them every day (the one-a-month mentioned above). We are going to sign Marin up for an activity like ballet or music lessons where she has a little more time with other kids. I am also including a bit more "school" time into our day. Also, for our oldest, LESS SUGAR. I am literally going to cut every sweet thing she eats in half, even if it's a skittle. (I am clearly not reducing the portion of drama I dish out.) We are going to make sure we play outside every day, weather permitting. And lastly for Marin, I am going to make sure she and I get a one-on-one date each week. (She and dad already have a date each Saturday.) For little miss Brite, we are going to move her to her own bed. We will miss her warm, chubby little body in our bed, but the time has come. I've also set the goal to nurse her to at least 12 months and to start adding solids into her day before the end of her ninth month. We are also going to start reading to her every day. I know she is just a baby, but we started putting books in front of Marin when she was just a little one so yeah, MORE STORIES and WORDS for our littlest. Oh, and more dance parties and bed jumping forever and ever amen.

There is so much more in my heart and head concerning ways I hope to grow and projects I want to finish this year, but I'm sure there are enough Mondays in 2016 to hold more goals. So, I think that about sums it up for now. Voila. Happy New Year, friends!

That One Time I Took our Kids on a Road Trip by Myself

Yesterday, half past breakfast and a quarter til Brite’s first nap, I started to plan the day ahead of us.  I didn’t have any pressing errands to run, no play dates on the books and Andy’s plane wasn’t due to land until late in the evening.  The schedule was looking pretty barren, SO I looked at my two comrades, “Ladies, road trip?” 

The same friends who came to visit last weekend live only an hour and a half up the road in Chattanooga, so I thought we’d give it a shot.  Sometimes you just gotta go for it, ya know? I texted Erin to make sure they were available for this long distance play date, and to our luck they were excited to let us crash their Wednesday. 

Within 10 minutes of sending the text, the car was packed and the girls were settled in their car seats.  We were pulling out of the driveway just before noon.  Brite was asleep by the time we got on the highway and Marin was pretty content to play I-spy and pretend we were characters from Frozen for most of the drive.  The farther down the road I got, the more confidence I gained that this was in fact a brilliant idea, me and my girls on a gorgeous day out on the open road.  We pulled into one of our favorite parks in Chattanooga just around 1:45. 

We spent a few hours with Erin and her kiddos, playing in the park and then at their house.  It was such a fun day and I was pleasantly surprised by how easygoing Marin and Brite were for such an out-of-routine kind of outing.  By 6:00 we were giving hugs and hopping in the car, so grateful for friends who love adventures too.

Marin and Brite were asleep within the first 20 minutes of our trek back, and just as I started to puff with pride for conquering such a big outing on my own, we pulled into stand still traffic on the highway. Can it just go with out saying that the ride home wasn’t quite the travelling perfection that existed just five hours prior.  Nope.  It involved crying and Marin throwing up all over herself and her car seat.  I pulled into our driveway with a half naked toddler, a screaming baby, and a minivan that smelled like vomit.  But, we made it! Me and my girls, doing the things that make our hearts alive (and exhausted and a bit feverish).  It might be a while before I attempt a feat like this with out Andy, but it feels good to know the three of us can spread our wings if we so dare.  And as I clean crevices I didn’t know existed carseats, I’m just positive that we’ll look back at this and say “Remember that one time…” which is a tell tale sign that whatever follows those words was probably well worth the, well, vomit in this case.  Until next time, friends.

Our Day.

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, so that someday I can look back and remember what our day-to-day looked like.  When Marin was a baby, we kept to a pretty rigid schedule. Literally everything revolved around it.  BUT, with Brite's arrival, came a little more going with the flow and letting the schedule fall into place, to enjoy when it makes life easier and to disregard when/if it gets in the way (vacations, holidays, play dates etc). It's just not as convenient to pledge allegiance to the schedule anymore. With that being said, not every day looks the exact same around here, but our typical day-to-day routine usually looks something like this...

3:00 am// Brite still wakes up most nights around this hour. She sleeps in our room still so that when she grunts herself awake, I can easily feed her in our bed then put her sleepy little body right back down.  (This nursing session probably isn’t “necessary” anymore but for now it works for us, so we’ll just think about a full nights rest later.)

6:00-7:00// If Brite hasn’t already stirred to eat by 6:30, I wake her.  I like to start the day as predictably as possible, hence the reason we start it at the same time each morning.  After nursing, Brite and I cuddle and coo in bed for a little bit.  Andy is usually getting ready for work around this time. He’ll come chat and give kisses before he has to leave.  By 7:30 Brite is back down for her morning nap. 

7:30-9:00// During this time, I get ready for the day.  (When Brite joined us I realized that if I didn’t get ready in the morning, it wasn’t going to happen for me. And by "get ready" I mean changing from some form of cotton into some form of nylon spandex mix and throwing my hair up on my head) After I wash my face and I’m dressed, I grab the cup of coffee Andy made for me and I curl up on the couch with my books, my computer and my phone.  This is my time to pray, read, journal, blog, etc.  I’ve really come to love and need these quiet morning hours. If anyone wakes up during these hours, heaven help the Queen. 

9:00-10:00//  Marin wakes up (Brite is usually right behind her).  We talk and cuddle on the couch.  Then we quickly change her diaper and make breakfast.  She watches cartoons while she eats breakfast.  I sit on the couch and nurse Brite while Marin and I sing along with Sesame Street “the letter of the day is….”  

10:00-11:30// I get the girls dressed for the day (or we stay in jammies).  We play or do a learning activity together.  If we have any hope for a learning activity, it happens in the morning when everyone is still patient and rested.  During play time we’ll dress up, paint, play with play doh, talk with ALL the stuffed animals, etc.  At 11:30, I put Brite down for her nap.  (We are still in the habit of rocking her to sleep (sigh) so Marin usually has to test her two-year-old patience while mom is occupied rocking.) 

11:30-12:30// Brite sleeps while Marin and I play or do chores together.  At the end of the hour, I get Marin settled with lunch just in time for Brite to wake up to eat. 

12:30-2:30// These are the hours of the day when we are most likely to hop in the car.  We’ll visit family or go to the park.  Sometimes we’ll just  take a quick outing to the Starbuck drive thru. 

2:30-3:30// Brite naps.  Marin and I play or watch a cartoon or, hey, surprise eggs on Youtube. What is the magical toddler appeal? I may never know. 

3:30-5:00//Brite eats and has wake time while Marin has a snack then quiet time in her room.  I usually set a timer for 30 min. She still goes in reluctantly because she has never been a huge fan of independent play, but we get through it.  Since she doesn’t nap anymore, we feel like there are some days where this time is needed for her little body to rest.  Every now and then she’ll take a catnap. 

5:00-6:30// Brite goes down for her last long(ish) nap of the day.  I don’t really know what else happens during this hour; I just know there will be texts to Andy and there might be a beer involved or a cup of coffee; it depends.  We will start dinner (maybe). 

6:30// ANDY IS HOME!

6:30-8:30//We eat dinner together. Andy plays with the girls while I clean up the kitchen. Alternately, two nights a week (on a good week) I’ll have the girls ready to put in the jogging stroller when he gets home, and we’ll zip out for a quick jog then eat out.  If the weather is nice, we’ll spend a lot of our evening outside, hanging with the neighbors or going for a walk.  Brite will usually take a 15-20 min nap somewhere before 7:30.

8:30-9:30// Baths, pajamas, books, bedtime.  We all make it out alive and some of our teeth were

brushed.   

9:30-11:00// I grab a shower. Andy and I will relax on the couch together and watch a show that we DVRd. We’ll sigh and talk about how cute they are and how much they amazed us today. It will all start up again in a few hours.  And we love EVERY single crazy minute of it.