Letters to Marin: The Cafeteria

Hey missy moo,

This is a story about your mama and a cafeteria and a mean kid. Well, he wasn’t really a mean kid. He just wanted a laugh and to be accepted, just like I did. You will probably hear this story again somewhere down the road, like when we’re driving or when we're all at the dinner table. Oh the stories you will hear and then re-hear because I just want you to know some things, things that will be with you in moments when it matters.

It was my first day of high school, and I was the new girl which had never really phased me before; I had been the new girl a few times.  I actually enjoyed meeting new people, a big social butterfly. But I was nervous that day.  The hallways were packed. 

 I met a girl in my math class who, come to find out, had my same lunch hour, so I asked her if she would mind me sitting with her at lunch.  She was kind and agreed. (When you are a grown up, you won’t mind eating by yourself, but not in high school.  In high school, you will want a friend at lunch.) 

So we sat down in the cafeteria where two tables were pushed together and jammed with friends.  I didn’t say much because all these pretty people looked like they were already best buds and your mama was a bit nervous.  I just ate quietly and looked forward to the end of the day and my home and my family, ugh, and feeling like myself again.

Then it happened.

 

Something hit me square in the forehead.  A boy across the table had flicked a coke can cap at my face. Then he sarcastically asked, “Oh, who was that?”  Everyone laughed. No one said a word to me as I finished my chicken tenders. I held in the tears until I jumped in my mom’s mini van at the end of the day.

It was a real doozy of a first day, but an important one.  I needed that day in my story because I learned such a big lesson, little bean.  At fifteen, I don’t think it had ever crossed my mind that there might be lonely people around me at school, not until I was that lonely person.  I was looking for who would accept me, who would be my friend. And that’s just backwards thinking.  I should have been looking for someone who needed a friend.  I’m sure with that many kids, there was at least one person who needed a friend that day. I missed an opportunity.

You made me a mama, little bean.  And now my heart and hopes and very best is yours.  So I'm giving you this story because I just want you to know that when lessons are learned the hard way, it means God is doing something for you, not to you. I also want you to know He gave you a big heart; be sure to use it to love on people.

My mini van will always be yours to cry in.

 And I love, love, love you.

Love, Mommy.

P.S.  You got so tired before your nap today that you laughed your way to sleep.  I just about died. You are the funniest and the cutest.